My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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