just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
