I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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