Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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