The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
