my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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