Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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