i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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