woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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