I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
