I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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