I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
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we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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