I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst