My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again