piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.