How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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