??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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