also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
