i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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