I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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