3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
