thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
