Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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