I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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