no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
