I got chris browned last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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