He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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