It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
