I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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