My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
