Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
