I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
