You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
