I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
