if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
