I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
