your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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