Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
