is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
