So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
