HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just invented taco cereal.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
