Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
