I skipped work to stalk him.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
