why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
