just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
