you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
