The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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