she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
