Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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