I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
