when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
