Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
