Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
