the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
