How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
