I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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