you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
