T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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