Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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