Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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