he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
