Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
