I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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