I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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