I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
