I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
fuck your aforementioned shoe
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
