he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
