Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
