i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
